


I Fucking hit Charley With my Car and now I Can't Think of a Title

by Pouf



Category: Bendy and the Ink Machine
Genre: Age Difference, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Eventual Smut, F/M, Masturbation, Older Man/Younger Woman, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:41:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23443513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pouf/pseuds/Pouf
Summary: Takes place in a Who Framed Roger Rabbit-like modern universe. Press "Puff" is a tired 22 year old college student. She desires something more in life, but can't seem to figure out what that is until she hits it with her car.
Relationships: Oc/charley
Kudos: 9





	1. God damn it

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted more Charley content because there's literally none and here we are lmao. I don't write fanfiction, these are mostly my blank-brain fantasies I have when I'm alone or really tired. Yup this is a self-insert idc. Yup I'm literally Puff/Press idc. Yup I'm horny idc. I have no idea how this is gonna turn out either. Could play out as one-shots, could play out as a long running fic, could stop abruptly in the middle of me writing this who knows

"Y'know Press, I think these two classes would be perfect for you.” 

Press's mother was on her mobile flipping through the many courses her daughter would still need to take.

“I don't got the pre-req's yet mom." The daughter in question groaned. She loved her mom she really did, but this never ending sea of help was really getting on her-

“You're right, let's keep looking.”

Press grumbled.

“Look, we'll be here all day if this isn't taken care of now.”

“You said that yesterday.”

"Did I?"

"Mooom I really want to go home and make dinner." Press stood up from the couch. "I can do this on my own. I'll even text you what classes I picked out."

"Oh but we still have to plan the semester after this one-"

"Love you mom."

"-but Press.."

"Love you mom!" 

The middle aged woman sighed. Her phone locked and she lifted herself off the couch her daughter once sat on. "Come give mommy a kiss."

Press bowed her head down to her mother and felt lips press against the top of her head. "Okaaay love you!" She said scampering to the hallway. 

"One more thing."

"Whaaat?" shoulders slouching. 

Her mother grinned. "Don't forget to take out the trash on the way down the hill."

"Yeah yeah." 

A slam of a door, and her daughter was gone. 

Kids..

Scratching her scalp, a long sigh drifted from two lips.

College life sucks. Press is currently a Biology major going on her 3rd year. Her grades were pretty alright but with each year going by the idea that there's something else she could be doing settles on her mind. Science is neat, but the math related pre-requisites were killer. She hated math, decided to be a STEM major and hates math. Crazy right? Maybe she wants to go into culinary arts. Maybe she wants to do anything other than sit in class around a bunch of people who won't bother saying a fucking single word to her unless she speaks first. 

Unlocking her phone to check the time, it had shown 6:40. Shit...

"Hhhhh I just want to go hoome. It's sooo late." Slipping into the car, Press took a long look at the house behind her in the rearview mirror. Some toon children were outside playing in their respected yard while a toon parent sat on the front porch with a can of what Press suspected was a beer.

Toons have joined human living sometime in the late 1940's. Most people view them as equals but there are a few assholes who think they're unnatural, some even trying to bring up the shitty argument that "They're obviously demonic. They don't die naturally." as a cause to be afraid of them. Course, Press snickered, that argument is such bullshit. If demons were physical entities living on the planet, why make them so vibrant? Unless that's how they draw you in. OoOOooo scaryyy. 

Seatbelts on, engines engaged. Buttons were pressed, music was changed.. 

Now we're cruising. 

It's true though; Press continued to think. Toons don't die in the natural sense much like humans were thought to believe. They don't need to age, but some choose to. There are toons who wish to age with their human significant others or don't wish to watch all their human friends die. Although most toons choose to stay their prime age. Some stay in their 40's.. 30's.... 20's.. 

Press had her eyes glued to the road, some buildings were toon based (built with bouncing features, some even had faces!) Most buildings were built with stone and concrete. A law was made a few years back she remembered; no toon road signs or stop lights in human majority areas. This is to stop the possibility of them playing any pranks in such a deadly area. Another law regarding toons was passed last year; no toon vehicles are to be bought by a human. This is to the benefit of everyone, but to the disappointment of Press. They're so cute and colourful though..

Her stop was coming up, she had passed by a few other toons and humans walking down the sidewalk near her neighbourhood, some old-fashion black and white toons which were uncommon but not unheard of. However her thoughts were elsewhere as a black and white toon jaywalked across the street in front of her.

"OH SHIT WATCH OUT!!!" 

and like that, her kill-count had increased more than that of the normal person. 

Breaks were slammed and a shaky breath was taken. Oh god oh fuck I just fucking.. Oh god..

Press had ran out of her car to check on who she struck and was met with the sight of a monochrome man in a tailcoat and white gloves. There was no knowing what his face looked like because he was face-down on the road. Her hand brushed against the back of his shirt and a low groan was heard. 

"Oh fuck! I'm so sorry, please tell me you're alright! Can you hear me sir?" 

Two voices were heard behind her, a pirate-like man with an eyepatch to boot and a spider-like toon with a shocked expression and gaping mouth. Both black and white. 

The spider came barreling in fast to side of the knocked-down toon. Two arms (legs?) reached for the others shirt collar and he began to shake. "Boss! Speak to me!" His voice was child-like but obviously adult. However upon hearing his voice Press began to get red-faced and her eyes started to well up with tears. Oh fuck

A deep hardy chuckle was heard behind the nearly-sobbing girl and the panicking spider toon. 

"Yar-har-har! Ye really did ah number on ol' Charley now did ya missy?" 

"Wai- what??" She quickly rubbed her eyes of all wetness and turned to look on to the laughing sea-folk who now has a hand on his belly to keep himself from splitting his sides. 

"Damn woman! Ya shoulda seen th'look on 'is face. Never had a laugh like that since ye ol' whalin' days out in the-"

"Barley!" The spider toon was frantically shaking the tallest toon of the bunch.

"I think he's hurt pretty bad.."

"Ye don't say?"

"W-what do we do Barley?"

"Waaale... We could take em up to th' morgue. Bet they neva' had a toon fella up there before."

"Barley!!" 

"Uhm.. Guys..I uh."

Both parties turned to look at the girl now standing up to full height. Press realized how tall she was compared to these two toons, almost a couple heads taller perhaps. 

"Y-you guys.. Y'all.. Uh..we cou-"

"Spit it out will ya?" The pirate quipped. 

"I um.. Have a couple beds? At my house? .....and food? We, I.. Y'know..." Her heart was still racing from all this. A pedestrian was fucking hit with her car. She knew toons couldn't get killed from injuries like this, physically damaged perhaps which is exactly what Press is currently afraid of. This pirate doesn't seem all too pressed about the situation though, in-fact his eyes (or rather.. eye) seemed to light up at what she was implying. 

"Edgar." Shaking had paused, the spider turned to the pirate. "Let's getta move on. Ol' Charley here's gonna need some liftin'." 

Said spider thought for a moment and shook his head sporadically, knowing exactly what to do. "Can do!" 

A hand was pressed on the girl's shoulder. "Ya' don't mind we mosey on in at yer vehic-ya-ler righ't?" Press shook her head. 

"Please, allow me to help. It's the least I can do.."

"No need, lil missy." A voice from behind muttered "I gotcha boss" and a car door opening was heard. The pirate then walked around to the side of her car and climbed right in. He didn't bother with buckling. Press too followed suit to the driver's seat and turned to look at the spider and the other.. (monkey?) Toon. His face was now in full view because of his body being propped up like he was awake. His face was laced with newly made scratches because of the collision. He had a short beard that blended in with his sideburns complete with a bald head and a black animal-like nose. It seemed as though the spider (or rather Edgar now) had buckled him in as well. Edgar didn't bother with his own seat-belt however. Odd.

Key in ignition, music quickly spun off before the car even registers that it's on.

Now we're cruising.


	2. House guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of hooligans are in your house, plus the butcher gang is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally writing something that isn't at 5am lmao. Sadly that ain't gonna fix my writing style (typing style?). 
> 
> Oh yeah I make references a lot, I'm totally stealing conversations I've heard to make a plot work because I'm stupid. I'm sure they'll be very obvious.

Approaching the neighborhood entrance, Press takes one look at her rear-view mirror to see Edgar rummaging through the pocket of the back of her chair.

"What are you looking for in there?"

"Stuff."

"....what kind of stuff _?_ "

“Found something!”

Edgar let out a _squeak_ like that of a squeaky toy. How he was able to replicate such a sound, such information was lost on the only human in the car. An empty chip bag was lifted out of the pocket and the friendly spider began rustling it and crunching it, letting out any crumbs that would happen to be left in the bag to fall onto the cars carpeted flooring. The sounds were that echoed throughout the car were a bit difficult to deal with in now that the once quiet vehicle became a sound booth for chip-bag rattles. Press had to remind herself not to get too irritated with the toon, _after all she did toss his boss across asphalt using her car_. She silently wished that she didn’t turn off the music she originally had playing but her choice of music isn’t exactly the most well liked among groups of the older demographic.

_Mindless Self Indulgence would have to wait, sorry radio._

“Ta-da!”

The spider had waggled his hands around like jazz-hands and plopped what seemed to be a triangular shaped Lay’s patterned hat on his head. Press was suddenly less annoyed and enthused with the toon’s antics. Barley wasn’t too interested and continued his deadpan gaze out the window.

“Edgar, why did you make a hat with a chip bag you found in my seat-pocket?” Press inquired but the arachnid shrugged and hummed a _“_ I dunno” sound. She rubbed at her nose and coughed into her fist, letting the car come to a complete stop.

“Here we are.” The girl began to drive up the driveway to a semi-large brick house with a dark grey roof and glass door. Technically the place doesn’t belong to her, but her name was on the contract including her mothers name. When Press’s mother remarried, she moved in with her new husband and let her daughter take over her previous home. Barley had raised an eyebrow at the exterior.

“Are ye furlin' in dough or somethin' lass?” The pirate had turned to face Press who shook her head.

“Nah, this was my moms old place. She moved out so now it’s technically mine.” Press then stopped to look at the bottom of the driveway and came to a realization; the garbage can wasn’t there.

“You sure gotta nice place lady!” the spider had both hands on his cheeks and looked astonished. Press clicked the button attached to the cars sun visor which allowed the garage door to slowly lift. Once the door was lifted, it appeared that there was another car in the way. Pissed, Press twisted her car keys to turn the car off and unbuckled. Walking out of the car, she turned to the right-hand side passenger door and opened. The other passengers had exited her vehicle and crowded around the sleeping monkey toon. Edgar unbuckled him and Barley came around to pull at his legs so that his friend would be loosened from the car. The spider reached underneath his boss so that he could support more of his weight. Press stood there awkwardly unsure of what to do. “Uh.. need any help here?”

“No missy, we got ‘em. 'tis nah th' first time we’ve done this. Except I was in Charley's ship 'n he 'n Edgar had t' drag me out o' a bar.”

“Huh you don’t say..” Press then began to lead the through the garage and to the back door. A loud commotion was heard inside.

* * *

“IF YOU HAD A _CLONE_ OF _HITLER_ WOULD YOU **_TORTURE IT_**?!??!”

“No?”

“Why not just say if you had a tiny little Hitler?”

“BECAUSE!!”-

“No! Listen I wouldn’t because that person didn’t commit the actions, it’s a genetic clone!”

“Oh my god he did!! HE DID!!”

“NO if it’s a clone he didn’t **FUCKING** DO ANYTHING!!!”

Sally pointed a finger and screeched at John “HE DID DO IT!” John is now waving his hands and shaking his head.

“No! Because he’s an IDENTICAL CLONE, he didn’t do _SHIT!_ The ACTUAL HITLER DID IT SALLY!”

“He actually did it, but this guy did it in his thoughts and in his mind-” The blonde woman now known as Sally had counter-claimed only to be cut-off by the booming voice of Doug.

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!!! HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING YET!!!”

“He’s still a BAD GUY! HE’S STILL EVIL! HE THINKS HE DID IT!”

“SALLY YOUR _NEIGHBOR_ COULD BE THINKING THESE THINGS _TOO!”_ Doug had just gotten started on Sally, but the woman had nearly toppled over from a heavy cackle that escaped her.

_“Hhahha!”_

At that point the two following behind Press had stopped to watch on at the three young adults in the kitchen seemingly had each other at arm’s length in a shouting-match about a hypothetical Sally had spun up. The door was closed loudly behind Barley which surprised the ruffians looting a house that wasn’t theirs. Why were they here? Did they break in? _Again?_

“Oh SHIT”

“Hiya Puff!”

Doug had waved to the three entering but stopped at the sight of a scratched-up toon being held up by two similarly themed toons.

“Holy shit, what happened to him?”

Press gave out a long-exasperated sigh, “I hit him…”

“No, you fuckin didn’t. You’re a weak ass.”

“You dipshit, I hit him with my car! Why are you guys even in my house?” Doug had paused to look at the other two, the pirate glaring at the younger gentleman.

“We broke in!” the voice of John peeped behind Doug.

"Again!" the voice of Sally following right after.

She groaned at her stupid friends, they'll be dealt with later. But onto more important problems at hand.

She then rubbed the back of her neck as a sign of nervousness and motioned the toons to follow her into one of the spare bedrooms. Luckily, she remembered to change the pillowcases and sheets from when the last time her friends had stayed over (broke in). The monochrome beings lifted their leader to the bed and essentially swung him on sloppily so that his face was buried in the mattress and his legs were hanging off the side. Press was about to raise a hand to object on how they had displaced their friend, but she left that thought die when Edgar had asked her a question.

“Your name is Puff?”

Her eyes glanced over to the happy spider bouncing on the toes of his four back legs. A nod was given and that apparently signaled for him to glue himself to her hand and start shaking it rapidly.

“That name is so funny! Nice to meet you!”

_It's not her real name obviously, but.._

“Er.. It’s nice to meet you too.. Edgar was it?” the spider squeaked that squeaky-toy effect once more.

“Yup, yup, yup!”

“Well uh, how woul-“ Press had been cut off by Barley clearing his throat.

Barley had an expecting look on his face with one eyebrow furrowed and his mouth straight. His hands were placed on his hips and he bent in a way that would have been threatening if he were a couple heads taller.

“Where will we be stayin'?”

Press blanked for a moment and held up a finger muttering to herself “oh yeah.” She then motioned for them to follow her up the stairs where two large beds were sat next to each other. It wasn’t exactly a room, the upstairs portion of the house branches into the living room with a long staircase separates the two. One couldn’t see the beds from downstairs but from upstairs you could easily peer down at the couch and television. Originally these two beds were supposed to go into another spare room and the basement but Press decided that she wanted to use the basement for something else and the other room had to have its flooring done because of the carpet stains from when she used to live in there. Spilled one too many drinks and you got yourself an ugly carpet.

Barley took one look at the beds and said “Good ‘nuff!” to which he swiftly sat down and got some shut eye.

It wasn’t entirely too late; Press was planning on making dinner but hummed in understanding at Barley being tired and turned to the beaming spider toon.

“You hungry?” there was a squeak in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man I still have no idea what I'm doing lmao


	3. Masturbating and Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did the nasty in the bath while reminiscing of eating pizza with a gangster spider.
> 
> Monkey man wakes up from his car-crash enforced snooze.
> 
> (smut warning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have no idea what I'm doing. 
> 
> Anyway, there's smut in this chapter so look out.

_“Hnng…”_

The vibrator buzzed against her mound; a hand was placed over her mouth to quiet any sudden moans. Her eyes were glazed and drooping. The steam from the water’s temperature doing little to stop the beat of sweat above her brow from dripping into the sloshing clear fluids below. Gripping at her breast she allowed her mind to wonder at the day’s earlier activities.

* * *

After the pirate man had fell asleep, she and the spider had a bite to eat after her noisy friends eventually decided to leave.

“You know eating with your mouth open is kind of rude.” Edgar; with a mouthful of an off-brand frozen pizza, had placed a nub-like hand over his mouth and giggled with a hiccup.

“We’re supposed to be rude! We’re a buncha bad boys.” Press had raised a brow to this and had said “Bad boys? You and your friends?” The spider affirmed by nodding his head.

“Mhm.” She shifted her view to the doorway leading to the living room then furrowed her brow at the spider who was currently wolfing down his meal like his life depended on it.

Cartoons; much like humans, had the ability to be _bad_. Although their motives were rarely for any personal gain other than total domination at worst, stealing lollipops from babies at best. Humans would hardly call themselves evil and would simply say they’re doing it for their own causes while a cartoon would proudly declare they’re evil. Edgar here acts innocent minded but perhaps he’s an idiot lackey to his groups horrible scheming.

“Edgar.” Pie-cut eyes snapped up to the girl, her tone sounding much more serious than she wanted. “When you say, ‘bad boys’, what do you mean by this?”

“Well..”

“Well what?” He flushed visibly, slightly wriggling around in his seat that had he had his two other legs tangled around. “Your group hasn’t killed anyone have they?” At this he shook his head wildly at the suggestion.

“No no! We’re a gang ya’ see?” his hands were raised in defense.

“Gangs kill people too.”

“Not us!”

“Then what you do?” At this, he opened his mouth to proudly declare the antics of his group only to find that… ‘What did we do?’ One hand has risen to his lips and his eyes had narrowed in thought. They stole stuff sometimes, were mean to people, gave a good clobbering to people who needed it, what did his group do primarily though?

Press sat up to collect dishes, she figured that if he didn’t know what their group-correction, gang, if he didn’t know what their gang did then it was probably nothing to worry about. Though she should always remind herself to keep her wallet at close proximity around these blokes.

Turning from the sink that she placed the plates into, it hasn’t gone unnoticed that Edgar was still deep in thought.

“Did you sell drugs?” a head shake. “Steal from people?”

“Sometimes?”

Hands raised to her hips; an idea came to mind.

“Yo, uh. Edgar?”

“Hm?” She was pinching at her sleeve nervously.

“When your boss wakes up, he ain’t y’know... ‘Gonna try to come after me, is he?” The cartoon spider cracked a grin.

“’Course not.” Press wasn’t convinced.

“You say you're ‘bad boys’ and I hit your gang-leader boss with my car. I’m not sure how this will turn out in the end for little ol' me.” She says this like a joke to calm her nerves, but her expression gave away that she was entirely anticipating whenever their boss woke up. 

Edgar shrugged and hopped up from his stool. He clearly wasn’t too troubled. Charley was a hot head sure, but never raised his fist against a lady. At worst, a woman would only fluster him to high-heavens before he’d clench his fists and storm out. Barley on the other hand, could lay down a good verbal attack and even threaten a woman. Even with Barley though, Edgar isn’t too certain he’d throw a punch at a dame. Call it 30’s cartoon logic but many older toons are still set in their outdated ways. While some toons from this time period wouldn’t care and would blindly jab their fists into whoever they saw fit; a large bearded toon that the gang had the trouble of meeting before named _Bluto_ came to mind, fighting was a man’s venture.

Press didn’t entirely know this, however.

She needed a stress reliever.

* * *

Back in the tub, her hips thrusted upwards listening to the quiet whirrs of the vibrating device under the water.

Almost...

Huffing, she lifted her body up and getting onto her knees. She placed the pink device up against her swollen nub desperate to get off. Her head rested against the baths side, causing minor discomfort but was ignored in favor of the build up in her lower regions. Without a hand to cover her mouth, she yelped and groaned involuntarily.

_“Haa…”_ She sucked in a breath which sounded stuck in her throat, a shimmy of her hips and she was there. The pressure in her gut had finally spilled over.

_“Nngaaa…”_

“Oh fuck...” Sitting back in her resting position, small aftershocks of her climax had given her a delightful push to unhook the drain and let the water pool out. She sat there and watched the water go down the drain, only to stand back up on shaky legs once the loss of water caused her to shiver.

Grabbing her toy on the way out and drying her legs, she could have sworn she heard a shuffling of shoes outside her door. Whoever that could be, was not supposed to be in her room. Did Edgar need something? Drying off her body with the towel, she wrapped it around herself and proceeded to the door. Click and it unlocked. Upon opening the door room on the other side was dark, minus the light beaming in from the bathroom she was in.

Her head turned to where she assumed the sound came from and her blood ran cold.

There stood the leader of the group, Charley with a sharp object in his grip. Puff could only assume that it was from her kitchen because she didn’t remember seeing anything on his person when the others helped him into her spare bedroom. His face was threatening, but quickly subsided to surprise and embarrassment when the still dripping semi-nude woman was brought into his field of vision. Dropping the knife, he closed his hands over his mouth and to stop himself from dropping his jaw on the floor. After a moment of silence he had finally spoke up, wide-eyed and confused.

“What the h- “

“Oh shit you woke up.”

**Author's Note:**

> lol


End file.
